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Post by Jacob (sin13j) on Mar 14, 2013 11:53:02 GMT -5
SOrry for the gramer and speeling as i have seaid this is a first draft and i plane on going back and editing for now i wold jest like the oppinion of evry one hear on the concept not the grammer or speeling if cant read it im sorry but if you can pleas get past it
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2013 12:17:03 GMT -5
to be honest i think its a good start with the story maybe add something else like the charater in the story doesn't know how to ride and its his first time or something along like that but still a good start
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Post by Olde Skoole on Mar 14, 2013 20:44:25 GMT -5
it does have potential I'll give you that
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Post by Zander (Z) on Mar 15, 2013 0:41:41 GMT -5
I with agree with Shadow. It's much more enjoyable to read pretty much anything that has the right grammar and punctuation. This might sound harsh, but when you use constant incorrect grammar, cussing and/or slang, not only does it make you sound very unintelligent, but it also gives the majority of people the impression that you have never attended an English class before and that you have a very limited vocabulary. Sorry, but it's just the brutal truth. Although fortunately, your story does sound pretty interesting and I do see some potential in this. So, just keep revising and you'll be good to go.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 11:22:46 GMT -5
I with agree with Shadow. It's much more enjoyable to read pretty much anything that has the right grammar and punctuation. This might sound harsh, but when you use constant incorrect grammar, cussing and/or slang, not only does it make you sound very unintelligent, but it also gives the majority of people the impression that you have never attended an English class before and that you have a very limited vocabulary. Sorry, but it's just the brutal truth. Although fortunately, your story does sound pretty interesting and I do see some potential in this. So, just keep revising and you'll be good to go. ever given any thought he might not be english? not everyone on this site is english we don't know if he is french, spanish, german russian, or even japanese
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Meh. I'm back :P
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Post by Zander (Z) on Mar 15, 2013 12:35:32 GMT -5
So I'm wrighting a story about the pwn set a fuw years from now. I wold like some input this is what i ahve so far. PWN ch 1. Wings Everyone has wings. This sounded completely observed when Emily first told it to me. This is the story of how fond the sky fell from it. My name is Josh Wise and i am just like everyone else during the day but at night I grow wings and sore thru the air. it started the day that my best friend Emily moved back to ret from New York. I haven’t left ret which is a s mall city outside of Georgia and Florida that you won’t find on any map, so the rest of the world is kind of lost on me all that i know about it I’ve seen on TV so when she left I had mixed felling because in my 17 years we haven’t been apart from each other for more than a day at a time so when she came back from being gone for over a year and barley staying in contact it was the happiest news id heard in a long time. I got the new s on a Wednesday sitting in chemistry class lisning to Mr. Bole lector about light particles when i got a test from Emily telling me to be at the mall at 8:00 that night because she was coming in to town. "This is bull where the heck is she its 8:15?" AS soon as I grumbled this I saw a group of people on roller blades headed done the street at really high speeds nit holding up from people but in steed they leapt the rail that dropped off from the street in to a 15ft drop(the mall is set at a slant so there is rails to protect people form going over the side cause they don’t know that there’s a drop off the other end)"Hay Josh long time no see" this cry came from the girl leading the pack she was dressed in army style cameo pants and a black tank top but what thru me off was the pink spiked hear that looked like someone thru a poodle on an electric fence and then stuck it on her head. I didn’t realize who it was till she and the rest of the group was right up on me. This weird girl was her, its Emily."Is that you Emily what the hell happened to your hair? Where have you been? Who are the rest of this entire people? Why the hell haven’t you called?" "woe woe woe hold it there well get to that later but right now we need your help right now we have a battle in 10 min and we need an extra person are fifth member couldn’t come so come on and get these skates on" one of the people in the back thru a backpack at me and it landed with a thump on the ground" But I haven’t skated since we were kids how am I supposed to help with whatever you want me to do” "We just need a fifth person to run for us and I’ll give you a present if you do" "Fine where are we going to do this thing and how do we do it" "Jest get the skates on and ill explain on the way" I unzipped the back pack and pulled out the skates. The skates had a red cuff, black frames, with rock killer gen 3 wheels, and a os black remz boot. After strapped them on and got up they all started skating off. Emily stopped turned around and said" I welcome to THE FALLEN ANGELS and the parts war now let’s go before we get disqualified." this is going to be a long night I can tell now. Alex, if this guy didn't know English, then he wouldn't have attempted to write a story in English and he probably would've wrote it in the foreign language he's more familiar with. If I was foreign and didn't know English, that's probably what I would've done as well.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 14:29:55 GMT -5
Alex, if this guy didn't know English, then he wouldn't have attempted to write a story in English and he probably would've wrote it in the foreign language he's more familiar with. If I was foreign and didn't know English, that's probably what I would've done as well. not my point the most common language is english on this site so therefore he wanted to try and write it in english even if he isn't very good with english
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Post by Shadow on Mar 15, 2013 14:52:48 GMT -5
I'm russian, so what? At least I try to write in a proper way and take some time to check what I've written before posting. Yes, I do have some mistakes as well. In fact, I can't remember pretty much any rule, but still able to write and talk in English without much problems. Maybe because I can think in English, it becomes almost like a native language.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 16:15:37 GMT -5
I'm russian, so what? At least I try to write in a proper way and take some time to check what I've written before posting. Yes, I do have some mistakes as well. In fact, I can't remember pretty much any rule, but still able to write and talk in English without much problems. Maybe because I can think in English, it becomes almost like a native language. was that directed to me? if so im sorry
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Post by Shadow on Mar 15, 2013 16:23:54 GMT -5
was that directed to me? if so im sorry Lol, what are you excusing for? ;D
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Post by Zander (Z) on Mar 15, 2013 16:35:35 GMT -5
Alex, if this guy didn't know English, then he wouldn't have attempted to write a story in English and he probably would've wrote it in the foreign language he's more familiar with. If I was foreign and didn't know English, that's probably what I would've done as well. not my point the most common language is english on this site so therefore he wanted to try and write it in english even if he isn't very good with english What if this guy is not actually foreign and he just needs to make some grammar corrections? Have you ever thought about that? Me saying that IF he was a foreigner was just a speculation dude. And what was your point anyway? Because I don't recall you trying to make any kind of a point whatsoever, only just you saying, "for some reason idk why but why does everyone care about grammar all of a sudden i mean come on people no need to hate on someone with bad grammar same for you shadow no need to hate on his grammar." Poor grammar reeks of lack of education, lack of intelligence, and sloppiness and that's why we care about it so much. That's my point that I'm trying to get across. Questions?
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Meh. I'm back :P
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Post by Zander (Z) on Mar 15, 2013 16:36:58 GMT -5
was that directed to me? if so im sorry Lol, what are you excusing for? ;D Exactly xD
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 17:40:12 GMT -5
not my point the most common language is english on this site so therefore he wanted to try and write it in english even if he isn't very good with english What if this guy is not actually foreign and he just needs to make some grammar corrections? Have you ever thought about that? Me saying that IF he was a foreigner was just a speculation dude. And what was your point anyway? Because I don't recall you trying to make any kind of a point whatsoever, only just you saying, "for some reason idk why but why does everyone care about grammar all of a sudden i mean come on people no need to hate on someone with bad grammar same for you shadow no need to hate on his grammar." Poor grammar reeks of lack of education, lack of intelligence, and sloppiness and that's why we care about it so much. That's my point that I'm trying to get across. Questions? well well well it seems i have figured out why you and me don't get along you seem to think everything must be perfect style grammar speech anything and everything must be perfect to you just because people have poor grammar doesn't mean they lack in education for one simple fact some people are poor some are rich the difference is the poor make a living by work the rich lift a finger and get money for someone to think grammar means lack in education to me that means they don't know what real work is
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Post by Ness on Mar 15, 2013 17:47:54 GMT -5
Hey guys, I hate to break in, but let's be polite, alright? We don't all get along, I get that, and we all feel one way or another towards grammar. However, that's not the point of this thread. The point is that Jacob was looking to share his story and get critiques on the story itself, not the grammar and spelling within. We've all shared our points on the subject, now let's leave it at that please. Alright?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 17:49:35 GMT -5
Hey guys, I hate to break in, but let's be polite, alright? We don't all get along, I get that, and we all feel one way or another towards grammar. However, that's not the point of this thread. The point is that Jacob was looking to share his story and get critiques on the story itself, not the grammar and spelling within. We've all shared our points on the subject, now let's leave it at that please. Alright? yes i agree let the peace begin ;D
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